Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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