we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
