he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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