Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
