Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
