I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
