If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
