Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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