Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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