tell your sister to shave her snatch
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
