well you can't waste a boner
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
