The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
