WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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