I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
