Where are you?
In a non slutty way
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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