I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
