She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
