I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
