It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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