Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
