Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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