Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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