I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
