I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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