Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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