Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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