Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
