Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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