My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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