Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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