it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
