i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
