I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
