hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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