I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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