I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
