Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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