Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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