I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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