He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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