man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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