From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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