I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dick very happy bro
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
