I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
