Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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