You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
