Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
