I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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