Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the day after is always just damage control
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
