you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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