I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
