I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
