but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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