Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
