Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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