Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
