Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
