this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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