Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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